Tenuous Connections

Pen and ink contemporary fine art by Doug Ashby.

Under the tenuous surface an order permeates. The pathways intertwine with perceived reality so subtly it is easily ignored. Creativity is the life force that emerges when one joins and gently wrests. Blindness is like an island that appears as an oasis but is only and ever. Still the allure is strong despite the consequence.

I often ponder why it is I keep making art. I know that it is an integral part of my life and career. I have been an art educator for nearly twenty-five years now and I have mostly always led from the place of being an artist. I want my students to believe they are artist, despite the fact that many will not grow up to be. It’s the act of creativity I want them to experience as it is that act that has nourished my soul throughout this life.

Yet due to the fact that I have responsibilities there are times I find myself adrift with regard to staying connected to the creative well spring. It is in those times I can often feel lost, as if the pathways that ground shimmer in between the worlds and become difficult to see. It is in those moments of tenuous connection that the absolute worst of me emerges from some hidden realm that always lurks on the periphery.

This makes me wonder then how many others out there experience a similar phenomenon when they are tenuously disconnected from whatever it is that satisfy’s their soul. Is this then the conundrum that has haunted humanity for so long. The reason for some of the terrible things that can occur in this world?

If that would be the case then it begs the question of how can I serve others in helping them begin to understand what it is that keeps them tethered to the connections that stabilize, not just ourselves, but all that we come into contact with. How can the art that I create bring about not just the perspective that all life is part of the same underlying order but that recognizing and emersing one’s self in this reality is the key to health and happiness. Or is this simply a bi-product of an ego that is itself disconnected? For who am I to believe I have such a power.

The truth is I am not sure. However I am very much beginning to understand that when I personally am disconnected from the act of creation, and in my case that of visual art, I tend to be more self destructive. When the hubris of my ego leads me to believe I am much more than what is truth, I fall into dark places and can become lost for very long periods of time.

I am currently working hard to bring myself out from such a place. It isn’t easy work at all for sure and takes both hard introspection, humility and a healthy amount of grace. I yearn so much to be relevant. I think everyone does. But then again what does that mean, and in the end if I was what would that get me?

In the mean time I feel I just want to strive to reconnect, on a much deeper level, with the kind of work that truly brings me joy and inspires. That is simply creating visual artworks. Perhaps overthinking the rest of it is what is truly getting in the way. Maybe if just one person out there sees something of value in the work that is all I truly need. Perhaps it is my ego that makes the connection tenuous. Perhaps if I work on transcending that, the pathways that keep us all connected to that underlying order will sharpen their presence. Perhaps it’s just time to get lost in the art.

I hope you enjoy the artwork and the writing.

Thanks,

Doug