From Beneath the Surface: The Endurance of Creative Purpose

Pen and ink contemporary fine art by Doug Ashby.

At times in life there are moments when one feels as though they are emerging, from unimaginable depths, upward and outward into a larger more encompassing space. Often this feeling teeters back and forth along the line on which true growth, and or stasis, exists. Like the threshold of water these lines of tension represent mental surfaces we all navigate. Like water there is always an above and below that pulls one towards a direction. What determines that direction is truly defining in that while we might believe we know what course of action is right there are always larger forces at play. 

In this artwork I am depicting an elephant that is triumphantly, and boldly, rising from the water's surface. Could it simply be at play? Yes. However at the time of creation I believe that I was longing to rise from a moment that I have yet to fully process, and more than likely pushed myself downward into perceived safety, as that is what appeared to be prudent. Whether it was a memory of a time where life was more comfortable pressing heavily upon me, or simply that I was isolated and afraid of emotional and spiritual growth remains a mystery. At times it seems that I will eternally live on the edge of this moment, existing in a way that is deemed proper. Yet I long to rise from this surface line tension and grow beyond. Upward and outward. 

Some of you might be wondering…what exactly am I talking about. Truth is many things, but primarily it has to do with the pull of art. I am entering my twenty-fifth year of being an art educator this August. The career has given me so much, yet at the same time I wonder how to utilize what my career has given me to leverage what it is that I truly desire. Where it is I want to be. Compassion is something that comes to mind. For being an educator is far more than the specific knowledge we are tasked with transmitting. There is the mentorship that at times requires immense discipline to stay the course as it serves another. Still when you are part of a person growing stronger into resilience you as well become more of that. I have written many times before about my personal tension between a life as a teacher and an artist and still I have no idea how to reconcile them and do both. I simply do not know how to carry forward where I have come from. The long arc of experience seems, at least for me, to leave me answerless. 

So in many ways I have yet to come up for air and stayed below the water. Recently a former mentor/professor told me that my artwork has become fully realized. It is an incredible compliment, yet I am not sure I agree. I still struggle to understand a direction for what it is I do, despite still doing it. I desire so much a life that is rooted in emergence towards unifying my career as an educator, and that of also being an artist. I desire the clarity of seeing the night sky, symbolic of fullness and a cycle completed. I desire to live within a renewed purpose where a life as an artist and educator are fully integrated and drive each other in a complete and authentic manner. Yet still I struggle with reconciling this dichotomy. 

Perhaps, in an all too human way, I am overthinking all of this and that with just a little more intentionality, and purposefully driven thinking, I can find what I am looking for. In my initial steps to embracing life as a dedicated artist I worked both that and teaching together without much thought. Did I simply become too bogged down in the idea of living a life that is completely dedicated to art, or did I forget this also includes my role as an art educator. Perhaps all this time I have been above water with the emotional and spiritual. Perhaps the answers, and path forward, lie not in a never ending wanderlust but simply in the doing. Shedding away the energies that lie just below the water's surface with intention and, as I have learned, striving to look upward and outward.

Below my surface exists a near replica of life that is also above the surface. There are times though when it seems like coming up for air is unattainable. What if that was just a construct though? If strength is about both endurance and transformation could it be that many of us are already living within and it’s our perceptions of change that need to be examined more closely. Perhaps what it is we truly desire already has emerged, just not fully. Perhaps life is just a balance between the tension points and that what is needed is to embrace this more intentionally and recognize the path forward is never going to be fully above water. In my mind I am always chasing a future that exists in perception. Can it actually exist that way in reality? There is something sacred about return that has been immortalized throughout history. Often that is physical, maybe it’s a mental return as well. 

As always I hope you enjoy the art and writing. I do welcome all feedback and inquiry so please leave a comment. I promise I will respond. Let’s have a conversation.

This original artwork is for sale. It is 8” x 10”. It is $440. If you are interested please reach out to me through my contact page and we will set things up.

Thanks,

Doug