The Dream Of Curiosity

Contemporary Pen and Ink Fine Art by Doug Ashby

My work often, to me at least, seems to render a desire to be transported to a different realm. A place where never ending curiosities abound and the desire to contemplate and understand sparks a deep rooted desire to live. A place in many respects that is our here and now, but simultaneously always feels just outside one’s grasp. Perhaps that is simply a function of being an artist. Creating an inner world that for a brief moment allows for an escape from the quotidian.

So it is with respect that I ask myself why. Why do I continually create these dream like landscapes that simultaneously present a familiar world but also one that is not so? Am I personally longing to be in a different place? Is there some deep underlying dissatisfaction with my here and now? Through my work am I attempting to unlock a desire that I can not even put words towards it? For all of this I do not know for sure but underlying the imagery I feel there is something.

I recently listened to a podcast where the guest was Dr. James Hollis. In the interview I was drawn into this idea he had of shadows on our lives that we carry with us. The shadows could be a trauma within our past. It could be current unhealthy relationships that we have yet to deal with. It could also be desires projected upon us from our parents of a life unfulfilled. The later of those is something I have been thinking quite a bit about since my father passed away and I believe I am getting closer than ever to understanding more deeply that my own personal desires have validity. It’s time to leave behind the pain, that was never inflicted with anything other than a fathers love, but none the less has brought me to a place where the suffering either ends or consumes me.

My father, I have come to understand, wanted different things for me from an early age. Those things were projections of himself. He had a difficult time understanding my desires. As a result he never referred to me as an artist until just before he passed. There was always an underlying tension, unspoken for decades, that persisted between us. Yes it ebbed and flowed through the years, but, for me at least, it always seemed present. He was an exacting man and was never shy about putting his thoughts and opinions right out there. I wonder now, in hindsight, if this relationship held me back from pursuing a life that I truly wanted.

I am grateful though that in the end he had the courage to name out loud what it was I always wanted form him. To simply be recognized for the person I was and not the one he desired me to be. Now, I have to wonder, how much of this impacted not just my life choices, but the artwork I never lost sight of.

With that said I do not see myself moving away from creating these almost surreal landscapes. No there is more to them than a possible modality of escapism. However I wander am I ready to move forward. The years have taught me one thing for sure and that is there is only one true way to know. For me, as an artist, I can not allow myself to become overly consumed with meaning and intention. It’s there of course but that pales in comparison to the absolute need to create. The need to simply work. It’s from that the art is born and for that I shall continue.

Thanks and I do hope you enjoy the annd and the writing.

Doug