The Signals We Often Miss
Pen and ink fine art by Doug Ashby
If you are at all like me then you understand full well that the universe can be screaming at you directly and yet somehow you still miss the sign. I think many would call that some sort of stubborness. Truth of the matter is though I believe the vast majority of us are like this. It has something to do with our evolutionary biology and the importance of habit loops perhaps. Yet there are those few that you encounter from time to time that seem to be so much more aligned and have a unique way of reading the tea leaves long before they are truly apparent.
In the above piece I incorporated a design aspect that has weaved in and out of my art for the better part of fifteen years or so now. The original intention was that the rectangles and circles, seen in the distant landscape here, were reminiscent of binary code. Embedded within was a hidden message that could be deciphered. At the start I had an idea to write a story that incorporated this style of art. The main character was an artist living on Phobos, a moon of Mars, say 200 some odd years in the future. The artist was also solving murder mysteries across the solar system and embedding clues about the murders into her work through the use of these symbols and binary code.
Needless to say this path never came to fruition, however I am not at all entirely abandoning the idea. The symbolism itself though has persisted in my work. Lately I have been exploring the idea that in reality it is myself I am sending the signals too and as a good human I am missing them, despite creating them myself. What the messaging is however is as of yet still unclear to me.
In truth I am starting to believe I am honing in on what it is I am trying to reveal to myself. I have also wondered if this is a persistent thread in many artists work. I feel it might be that artist do what they do in order to chase down truths that they need to uncover for themselves in order to push forward toward the work and life they truly crave. I believe this is what is happening to me. What exactly I am working to discover is still very much elusive, however I believe it has to do with making big life changes.
What changes might those be then? Art has been with me all throughout my life. At times it has been more pronounced than at others. After graduating college in 1993, with a BFA, I floundered for many years and was disconnected in many respects from creativity and artistic production. Then I became an art teacher. I reconnected to a certain degree but pretty much everything I did was in service towards my teaching career. I thought that would allow me to pursue other things I wanted in life that are important. Family mainly. Now 23 years into my career I feel that the signals I am sending myself, through my artwork, are pushing me towards taking the plunge, and the risk, to be an artist full time.
The thing about mysterious signals that exist all around us, at all times, is that they are truly frightening. The idea of giving up on the security that teaching provides, not just myself but my family, is a difficult one to wrap your head around. However I know that staying, for that security, is also equally terrifying and to be honest probably exceptionally debilitating. It’s in those moments when I am desperately trying to numb my day that the signal becomes amplified and pushes through. Finding the will to act is a challenge for sure, however it’s becoming clear there is little choice. It’s time to allow the conspicuous, and yet quite salient, fact emerge. I am an artist and will only be living that purpose when I fully commit.
Stay tuned.
Doug
